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Duking it Out 2

Duke Nukem Forever doesn’t need much of an introduction – it’s incredibly well known even if mostly thanks to its lengthy stint as the official Internet poster-child for vaporware. The game did take an utterly ridiculous 15 years to see the light of day so fair enough. Upon release though, the game got trashed by seemingly every other person on the Internet with a keyboard and a passing knowledge of it. I suppose it’s somewhat understandable, I mean no game could possibly live up to 15 years of built-up hype and it would have taken a miracle to convert public perception of the game after that long. Whatever! I hate pile-ons and I’m willing to look at it with an open mind. So is it really that bad?

“Somehow they made me hate octabrains even more.”

Just like Duke Nukem 3D, Duke Nukem Forever is a first person shooter in which you play as the venerable hero Duke Nukem as he tries to stop an alien invasion of near-future earth. Despite the similar story setups the gameplay makes a notable veer away from that of the first game. Considering how dramatically the FPS genre has changed since those early days it would probably be more notable if it didn’t, though. Instead DNF takes obvious queues from its successors. Games such as Half Life 2 and Halo are obvious influences with a much more guided, linear approach to level design, cutscenes and somewhat of an actually recognizable plot, driving and turret segments, and even physics puzzles. Controversially, it also incorporates features such as recharging health and a limit to how many different types of guns you can carry at a time.

“Scoring a headshot in the awesome intro sequence.”

The game was nice and short, clocking in at around 10 hours for me. I think my favorite parts of the campaign were the sections where you got shrunk down in size. Sure, it’s a bit gimmicky but it reminded me of all of those old “giant” user made maps we used to deathmatch on in games like the original Unreal Tournament. Too fun! I was actually reminded a lot of Prey during the game, somehow, which is mostly a very positive comparison to make. All said my only real complaint about the gameplay (noting that I played this patched meaning I could hold 4 weapons instead of just 2… thankfully) is that I felt like the difficulty was noticeably inconsistent, with boss battles being a big spike up compared rest of the game. I know that isn’t necessarily unusual (bosses are supposed to be hard, duh!) but I’d literally go for a few levels without ever being in any real danger only to die 10 times in the first phase of a boss fight. Irritating.

“This screenshot is gross on so many levels…”

DNF still features all of the referential humor and satire that Duke Nukem 3D was known for only this time it’s totally cranked up. I swear, some of the damn silly lines Duke delivers and situations he gets in this time around make the game seem almost like parody of Duke 3D and I often found that funnier than the actual jokes. Unfortunately the casual objectification of women of the previous Duke Nukem games is also cranked up to absurd if not outright offensive levels and where Duke 3D flirted with nudity DNF has tits and ass all over the place. Thankfully despite large doses of it early these scenes make up a relatively small portion of the game and the aforementioned ridiculous tone of the whole thing makes it hard to take too seriously. I do have to wonder if they really missed the boat on their target audience by delaying the game so long though. That is, it seems it probably won’t resonate with today’s younger gamers and since so many of us who played Duke 3D did so as kids and teenagers it likely won’t appeal to us in quite the same way either. I guess what I’m saying is that Duke is a bit of a relic.

Moving on from the negativity for a moment, also back from Duke Nukem 3D are most of the weapons and enemies, all more or less intact. Hell, the game even starts out with you reenacting the boss fight from act 3! Awesome bit of fan service there. I was disappointed that they got rid of Duke’s “mighty boot” as an always available melee attack (a feature that was ahead of its time!) but I still enjoyed tearing up alien scum with the ripper and sending rockets into the asses of those annoying octabrain bastards. There were plenty of other throwbacks to Duke 3D in the game, from classic lines to all of the neat little interactive environment objects (which now actually serve somewhat of a purpose) but my favorite of all had to be the glorious introduction to the game which recounts the plot of Duke 3D in a highly stylized, James Bond movie intro sequence like way.

“Offroading in the Mighty Foot.”

The graphics got panned a lot when the game was first released but I found them to be decent enough with the character faces and animations being the main low points. I was actually pleasantly surprised to find that the game did a good job of representing your whole body from first person – something somewhat rare that I personally really find helps me get more immersed in first person games. The sound is decent and while the music seems like it mostly consists of throwbacks to the classic soundtrack of Duke 3D let’s not forget that people fucking love the soundtrack of Duke 3D! I didn’t really encounter any of the bugs, performance problems, or any of the other technical issues I heard a lot about though I understand those issues were mostly with the console versions, never mind the fact by the time I got around to playing DNF it had already been patched more than once.

“I’m not entirely sure what’s going on here but I like it.”

Overall, while it definitely doesn’t feel like 15 years of work (because it isn’t, technically) it is a fairly solid effort and even with its modernized systems it manages to feel like a bit of a throwback to the golden era of FPS games. That said, unless you’re a big fan of Duke Nukem it doesn’t really have all that much to offer. Still, the answer to my original question is a resounding “no!” Duke Nukem Forever might not be amazing, it might be offensive to some, not at all funny to others, and not at all worth waiting 15 years for, but it certainly isn’t the horrible train wreck piece of trash that you’ve probably been led to believe it is. Bandwagons… blech.

Duking It Out 1

My Duke 3D retrospective was pretty epic. Sure, it’s not too much longer than my earlier ones but I put a lot of time into it. Tons of research and tons of gaming. Not only did I play through the entire 4 episodes of the Atomic Edition multiple times on several different platforms but I also played through the entirety of Duke Nukem: Manhattan Project and Duke Nukem Forever. While I’m not going to write full reviews of them I figured I’d give a little more of my impressions of both games while they’re still fresh on my mind.

Duke Nukem: Manhattan Project was released on PC back in 2002 while Duke fans were still very much waiting around wondering where the fuck Duke Nukem Forever was. While there had been a few other Duke Nukem related games on other platforms Manhattan Project was the first time Duke’s original fanbase on PC were catered to outside of expansions for Duke Nukem 3D itself. I remember reading reviews of it in various gaming magazines and on a few of the sites I read at the time as being fairly positive, particularly considering it was released as a budget title. Researching Duke’s many offspring for my Duke 3D article I figured I might finally give Manhattan Project a try and learning that it was available on Xbox Live Arcade sealed the deal.

“Dumb billboards and gibby goodnes, yep, Duke Nukem!”

Manhattan Project is a side-scrolling platformer that, in the most basic sense, plays a lot like the original pre-Duke 3D Duke Nukem games. Platforming, shooting enemies, collecting keycards, backtracking, etc. Combine this gameplay with the updated oneliner-spouting, babe loving Duke and lots more obvious influence from the weapons, enemies, and environments of Duke 3D, and that is pretty much Manhattan Project in a nutshell. It’s a relatively simple game all in all – there’s only ever one babe to rescue and one keycard to track down on any one level though it still does a decent job of trying to make the levels not feel too linear. The weapons are decently varied and feel pretty satisfying to use and the mountains of quippy dialog from Jon St. John keep things lively. The humor is still pretty close to that of Duke 3D though there is a slight negative shift in the tone of some of the jokes and the way women are treated – that is the jokes are sometimes a bit sillier and the women are definitely more sexualized and objectified.

“Don’t mind me, I’m just hanging out…”

One of the more interesting things about the game is that it was one of the first “2.5D platformers” I’d ever heard of. That is, a 2D platformer done entirely in a polygon based engine that leverages its 3D capabilities to do interesting things with planes, camera movement, etc. It’s a little rough around the edges in that respect but mostly only because the developers seemed to be having a little bit too much fun with some of those aspects as some of them, particularly changing perspectives and changing planes, quickly wear out their welcome and start feeling gimmicky. One thing that particularly annoyed me was that you could only shift planes at designated locations but I’d occasionally bump into other spots where it looked like I should have been able to and no, I’d have to backtrack to just the right spot. The camera can also occasionally do some silly things too but all and all it’s perfectly serviceable.

“Now with breathtaking 3D technology!”

The platforming itself sometimes bothered the shit out of me as the collision hit boxes seem totally off or at least massively oversized which meant sections that involved avoiding insta-death obstacles (spikes for instance) could be highly frustrating. Thankfully such sections were pretty rare so other than a couple of instances of repeating the same section 20 times it wasn’t a deal breaker for me. The story was, as you might expect, practically nonexistent, mostly only setting the scenes from stage to stage, giving Duke a good excuse to shoot some pigs in the face and rescues some babes. The XBLA port is well done but it is definitely a “port” more than anything with no real updates to the rather outdated visuals or anything else not directly related to making the title work right on an Xbox 360.

Overall, I’d recommend the game if you’re a big Duke fan and it sounds at all appealing to you, otherwise I’d give it a pass. Part 2, wherein I get into the much more interesting Duke Nukem Forever, coming soon!

As usual my Xbox 360 screenshots were stolen from elsewhere. I had to cherry-pick these few out of the PR releases as few of them did a great job of representing how the game ACTUALLY looks.

The Tale of Garn Chapter 38

Warning: potential side quest (Mages Guild) spoilers ahead!

From Garn’s recollections:

Highly Recommended

After a relatively uneventful journey back up to Northern Cyrodiil I arrived in the snow covered streets of Bruma and wasted no time warming myself up next to the hearth in the Mages Guild guildhall there. Jeanne Frasoric, the head of the Bruma Mages Guild, had heard that I might be arriving soon and casually told me about the job I was to perform for my recommendation. One of her mages, J’skar, had been missing for a few days and she wanted some assistance locating him. Slightly annoyed, I recall thinking to myself that it seemed like a lot of guild members have issues with losing things and/or themselves. Still, I accepted the task and pledged to find J’skar.

“*clears throat* I’m not sure the Mages Guild is going to be worth it.”

This task could lead me anywhere. Indeed, even if J’skar had come to an unfortunate fate here within the city walls he could still be buried at the bottom of a snowdrift, totally hidden. Regardless I started where I usually start, by asking other guild members. While most of the mages I talked to seemed genuinely ignorant enough, one of them, Volanaro, confidently told me that he could help me find J’skar if I helped him out first. I was a little taken aback by the gall he displayed but I was intrigued enough to simply follow along with him. Volanaro seemed to be pretty put out with Jeanne, suggesting that she wasn’t at all qualified for her position within the guild. He wanted me to help play a prank on her. He suggested stealing her manual of spellcraft out of her office since she was apparently fairly worthless without it. This seemed harmless enough as long as I could do it without getting noticed so I agreed.

Luckily Jeanne’s office was fairly secluded so it was trivial to wait around for her to become distracted and creep in. Just as Volanaro suggested, I found the book in one of the drawers in her desk. I made my way back downstairs and subtly made the hand off to J’skar who seemed absolutely tickled with himself and the successful completion of his scheme. He told me to meet him in the guildhall basement later that night. After I greeted Volanaro he cast an unfamiliar spell and J’skar appeared before me. Both men started laughing, pleased with themselves. Apparently J’skar’s little disappearing act was also a prank on Jeanne. Fair enough. I thought that the whole rouse was a little on the silly side myself but Jeanne was pleased enough about J’skar turning back up so I held my tongue about the details and accepted my recommendation.

My next stop was southwest to meet Teekeeus at the Mages Guild guildhall in Chorrol. Teekeeus told me that an excommunicated sorceress named Earana had been spotted around town and wanted me to find out what she was up to. She was believed to be staying at The Grey Mare inn near the southern city gate. I headed off in that direction. Surprisingly I practically ran into her as she came sauntering out of the front door of the inn. While at first seeming incredibly annoyed with me over the incident Earana, recognizing my adventurer’s garb, quickly changed her tone and asked me if I was available to take up a job. Why, of course I was!

“Mages Guild, Thieves Guild, who cares?”

Earana wanted me to help her find an old tome of magic called “The Fingers of the Mountain” which she believed she had tracked down to the ruins of a temple called “Cloud Top” nestled in the mountains north of the city. I agreed to the task and told her I’d set out immediately though in reality I took a quick detour back to Teekeeus at the Mages Guild to let him know what I had discovered. Teekeeus wanted me to appear to go after the book for Earana but to instead bring it to him once I had retrieved it. While he didn’t elaborate I got the distinct impression that the book was something that he didn’t want falling into her hands. I wondered what Earana could be up to but at that point it had little to do with my task.

“Luckily the book wasn’t quite so crispy.”

Following the vague directions that Earana gave me I slowly rode the hunting trails leading up into the mountains until I located what had to be the temple. Like most of the ruins scattered around Cyrodiil there wasn’t all that much to see: some old stone arches, pillars, and sections of crumbling walls. I paused for just a moment before starting on my task to take in my surroundings. The temple must have held quite a commanding view for whoever inhabited it. I carefully searched the ruins, sifting through the dust covered rubble and prodding the burnt and dried corpses that littered the area. I found what I was quite sure was the tome on one of the lesser charred corpses, still quite intact.

Upon returning to Teekeeus I was thanked and promised my recommendation. Not wanting to be involved in whatever feud was no doubt about to grow a little more interesting between the Earana and Teekeeus, I quickly left Chorrol.

“I trust you have good reason for being a total bitch?”

West in Skingrad I was referred to Adrienne Berene for my recommendation. Adrienne seemed quite preoccupied by some research she was performing but despite being a little short with me she was still able to quickly think of a task for me to perform for her. One of the guild members, Erthor, had borrowed some notes that she needed back yet she hadn’t seen him around lately. After asking a few of the other mages at the guildhall I was able to confirm that indeed Erthor hadn’t been around for quite sometime. It apparently wasn’t all that unusual for him to be away for short periods of time though as Adrienne had him banished to a cave outside of the city to practice his dangerous summoning research after an “unfortunate” incident involving several scamps. I was intrigued, I admit.

“Another day, another cave…”

I rode out to Bleak Flats Cave to find Erthor. What I found when I lit my torch and ventured into the cave, however, was a horde of zombies milling about the place. The one closest to me turned and lunged before I had any time to consider my options. I dove into a corner, dodging the zombie. When I rolled back onto my knees I blasted a fireball at the foul thing. Of course by now all of the zombies in the room were now attracted to me also. I stood up, unsheathed my sword and raised my shield. Compared to me these animated corpses were nearly helpless though what they lacked in skill or tactics they nearly made up for in raw aggressiveness. Nearly. After the slaughter I continued to explore the cave.

“Time to stop drop and roll…”

I ran into several more zombies before finally breaking into the room where Erthor had holed up. He was overjoyed to see me and seemed to be in a hurry for an escort back into the city. The ride back was tense. Erthor had little to offer by way of explanation for what had occurred in the cave but I knew more than enough about the arts of conjuration to guess. Upon reaching the guildhall he and Adrienne had a brief conversation which sent him away with his tail tucked between his legs. Adrienne coldly informed me that Erthor seemed okay and that my recommendation would be sent in as soon as she had the opportunity.

“Thank the gods, finally some action from this boring guild.”

I continued west to Anvil, the last guildhall I’d need a recommendation from. Not only was this to be my last stop but it was also finally an interesting task. I was beginning to think that the Mages Guild wouldn’t have much to offer me after all. Carahil, the head of that particular guildhall, informed me that there had been a large number of killings along the Gold Road outside of the city and that signs pointed to it being the work of a rogue mage. Carahil already had something in mind about how to find and take care of the assailants but it would require the work of an unknown person. A new Mages Guild Associate like me was the perfect candidate. I was to meet an undercover Breton Battlemage named Arielle at the Brina Cross Inn just outside of the city that very evening.

After a short ride I tied up my horse and started to walk into the inn when a woman stopped me and whispered to me to get a room for the night. This had to be Arielle so with little more than a head nod to acknowledge her I continued inside and took a seat at the bar. I bought an ale and a room for the night and hung out casually taking in my surroundings for a bit. Some of the other patrons made small talk with me though nothing unusual outside of me telling a couple people that I was a traveling merchant instead of my usual vague responses about adventuring. After finishing my drink I bid those in the taproom a good night and headed upstairs to my room. Not long after I laid down Arielle slipped into my room and finally identified herself. She told me of the simple plan they had hatched. I was to sleep tonight and then set off at sunrise back east towards Kvatch. They would shadow me and quickly reveal themselves if I were approached.

“Come at me, lady!”

The next morning I set off on foot. It was only a matter of time before an Altmer woman approached me from the opposite direction and, without warning, unleashed a powerful blast of lightning from her fingertips. My reflexes were instant and I dodged out of the way of the bulk of the blast and drew out my blade. A normal highwayman might now be concerned about the fact that I was drawing a weapon, never mind the type of weapon I was revealing, but this rogue mage seemed unconcerned as she sent another bolt of crackling electricity towards me. It was just about this time that I realized I recognized the women. It was one of the patrons in the taproom from last night! Arielle must have had her suspicions, that obviously explains this ruse. Speaking of Arielle, it wasn’t long before her and another Battlemage came running up the road, weapons drawn. My attacker, now both outclassed and outnumbered, quickly fell due to our combined attacks.

While I found it unusual that a mage would expend so much energy on petty robbery and murder Carahil was quite pleased with my work and told me that my Anvil recommendation was sealed. I was done! Now it was only a matter of venturing back to the Arcane University for my promotion and my first assignment.